But for ten long months, since January of 2014, I have lived inside a cage. And so busy is exactly what I have not been. And I do so long to be “busy” again… I am smart as a whip, and a survivor who has learned to protect her broken heart. But inside of me, there is the puppy I once was, a little girl who is just longing to get out. If only the right person or people would come along and claim me as their own….what a different dog I would be. I am sure they could coax my puppy out – for the very first time. I would give them my heart on a platter, if only they would look into my eyes and return the love I have to offer them.
First, I was one of thousands of nameless strays, wary and alone, eking out an existence on rough streets amongst tough dogs. I was born into that life and knew nothing different. I could have been that “shadow dog” forever – and probably lived a short life with some untimely end: a motor accident, a purposeful poisoning by a local merchant, or any one of other common fates that we street dogs suffer. Instead, when I was just two and a half years old, I was caught where I lay sleeping. I was one of hundreds of unlucky dogs – among the unluckiest in the world – as I went through the first few steps of the illegal dog smuggling transports that ultimately deliver us to our horrific deaths – death-by-torture. But by some miracle, I was one of the handful that were saved before the axe fell. Yet even then, despite being “saved”, I was again one of thousands at the overcrowded government livestock center, which was the next step along the raggedy journey that had been my life.
I was nameless again – unless you consider “NP-1680” to be a name. And I was again just another shadow face in a big crowd.
My one moment. Somebody saw my face peering out at them from a photo and for that one brief and wonderful moment, I – me! – I was the one in the spotlight. Kind people around the globe saw me and couldn’t turn away. They made arrangements and a few weeks later, I was on a transport truck, which delivered me to Bangkok, for veterinary care and quarantine…and then to my final destination, the island dog sanctuary of Elfes World in Koh Samui, Thailand where 620 of us who have been rescued live.
My brief moment in the blinding spotlight ended long ago. I have spent almost every minute here in a cage since then because I am so anxious around other dogs, especially those who are my size or smaller, that I turn into a churning ball of fearful nerves and need to be separated from them. I prefer the company of humans only. And humans are the one thing in short supply here…These days I am once again a shadow girl. Maybe that is meant to be my fate forever, but I try not to believe this is so.
Elfe was so excited to be able to give me a new lease on life. It has broken her heart that I am worried and frantic around other dogs and cannot be loose with them. From the moment she realized I would need to be in a cage 24/7, she has been hoping for a home for me. She put me up for adoption almost immediately after my arrival, but I haven’t even had a nibble, so she has asked the International Street Dog Foundation if they could help me find a home in the USA. I will arrive in America in just a couple of weeks. Maybe my fate will change then…I can only dream it is so.
Because soon I will have hit the one-year mark in this cage and both she and I are growing despondent.
With the exception of a few outings on leash with volunteers, I have lived in my cage for 10 months now. 10 long months!! The sad part is that I am perfectly-behaved, despite my imprisonment and boredom. I never say a word. I don’t whimper, or make any noise, or bark, or even bite or paw at my cage bars. I guess I am so complacent because this is the first time I have had a space of my own in my entire life. I have never known security from aggressive animals and ill-intentioned humans. It is also the first time I have been able to rely on food and water, every day. I guess you could say that these 10 months in my cage have, pathetically, been the best months of my life. So I am content to just sit and watch the world go by…and if this is all my life was meant to be forever, I accept that. But I do dare to dream at night when all around me are sleeping and the sanctuary is finally quiet. Might there be something more…? I am three and a half years old, and our lives are not as long as you humans. Time waits for no man – and certainly for no dog. I have many years left still and I pray they will be “busy” and happy ones, but I wonder if I am asking too much. And then the night is over, and I wake up to yet another day, viewed through the bars of my cage…
Sweet, kind Elfe is so busy, with approximately 620 of us to feed and care for every single day, and only one full-time helper. Luckily, many lovely volunteers and sponsors help her do the work that must get done every day – but work must always come first, so that leaves very little playtime at the end of the day for the ones who are like me.
Most of the dogs at Elfes World can live among large packs in protected enclosures, and over 100 can live in and around Elfe’s enclosed house. But there is one thing that sets me and several others apart from these dogs, and that is that we are not overly fond of our own kind. Our lives have been hard and many of us have been the victims of aggressive street dog packs or were picked on by other dogs when living in the company of thousands at the livestock center after our rescue. Although a few dogs inspire my trust, they are of a specific type: I find I can most easily trust large dogs that are very calm and give me my space. In fact, a home with no dogs at all would suit me just fine, too. know the other dogs here think I’m odd because I prefer the company of humans over my own kind, but I have heard tales carried on the winds about humans. And I have heard rumors that some of them like the company of my kind, too, and that not all humans are looking for a romping puppy to take to the dog park every day – but that some just want a gentle friend and loving companion. I don’t know if that’s true but I’d like to believe it…
I know what I need is a tall order, which is why I am writing to all of you today in hopes that someone out there might know someone looking for a dog just like me – one with quirks, one whose heart is hidden under a few layers of hurt right now…but one who will give her people the world, if only they can give her a home with love, security, and a little bit of understanding and patience. Although volunteers are stretched thin by Elfe’s current burgeoning population, the ones who have been able to spend time with me all say the same thing: that although I am not scared of humans, I am a bit shy and detached. And wouldn’t you be too, if you had lived the life I have? Because every time I get out of my cage for some one-on-one time, my heart hurts just a little bit more. The volunteers who are able to visit with me are extremely few and far between – maybe one visit or two per month, maximum. There are just so many of us in need of attention. Thank goodness the barbaric dog meat trade is slowly, finally, being brought to its knees…but so many of us are in need and so few are helping, that I am one of many.
So there I am – and I absolutely live for cuddles, belly rubs, and petting – and I soak up every kind word they whisper into my ears – but then they are gone. And it is hard for me to understand that they were only there for the day visiting, possibly never to return. And harder still for me to return to my cage and know I may not experience something like that again for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. Add to that, that the next time it happens, it will be another stranger again. I am a girl who life has let down so many times…consistency and routine are so important to me. I don’t do well playing the lottery, and my heart is not strong enough to hope so hard each time.
Love, Busy
Please contact Dawn at 414-426-4148 or trimmel@usa.net if interested in adopting.
